2006, Universal Pictures, Dir. Michael Mann - Starring Colin Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Gong Li, John Ortiz, Naomie Harris, Luis Tosar, Chris Astoyan, Barry Shabaka Henley, Ciaran Hinds, Mario Ernesto Sanchez, John Hawkes, Isaach de Bankole, Ana Christina de Oliviera, Eddie Marsan

I suppose that Michael Mann turning back to his roots to revamp ‘Miami Vice’ for the silver screen was a good move. After the immediate success of ‘Collateral’ in 2004 (despite its tepid performances), Mann figured the same stealthy, absorbing style would work well with Detectives Crockett and Tubbs. And once again, this is Mann’s impetus. ‘Miami Vice’ isn’t a bad movie, in fact, it can be pretty damn fun to watch. But there’s always the sneaking suspicion one will have that Mann is the only one understands everything going on for the first half of his movie. Albeit solid performances by our lead characters, ‘Vice’ ain’t so nice. Its pacing is out of kilter, ranging from face-offs that could’ve been tenser and sex scenes so drawn out they become self-indulgent on the director’s part. Gone are the flashy sport coats of Don Johnson and the synth-keyboard theme song, as ‘Miami Vice’s palette of choice is a blend of grey suits, silk ties, and blue velvet skies. The storyline is grittier and the violence is hard-hitting - as Mann’s way to attract younger audiences. Before the tape rolled, my colleague states how cool it would be to have a Don Johnson cameo thrown into the story. After the tape stopped rolling, I thought that actually would’ve made it a touch better. ‘Miami Vice’ is too uptight, too long, and not absorbing enough.

Sonny Crockett (Farrell) and Ricardo Tubbs (Foxx) are Miami DAs whose government branch has had a serious security breach. After a tragic shoot-up involving their close friend Alonzo (Hawkes), the two detectives are sent to search out a group of cocaine smugglers entering on the coast directly from Haiti. Living on both sides of the law, they create the aliases Sonny Burnett and Rico Cooper - two professional smugglers looking to do business with the reigning drug lord in the southern hemisphere. They encounter Jose Yero (Ortiz), a middle-man for the DAs secret business and the right-hand man of Jesus Montoya (Tosar), the hub of the narcoterrorism south of the border. The two killer cops begin to make progress, but then Sonny finds himself attracted to the banking lover of Montoya, Isabella (Li), a Cuban-Chinese beauty. While Sonny finds himself falling deeper in love with Isabella, Rico’s lover (and Miami Intel analyst) Trudy (Harris) has been kidnapped by a group of Aryan coke smugglers - in a tip from Jose. The two detectives must team up to take them all down at once.

Colin Farrell must be trying to challenge the late John Holmes for best handlebar mustache, because that thing is unforgettable. Not even Sniddley Whiplash of Dudley Do-Right fame could top that. But facial hair aside, Farrell pulls off Crockett with a much different angle. He’s no Don Johnson, and I don’t expect that - the 80s are over, and although a homage might seem necessary (especially since creator Mann is directing), there’s no reason for Farrell to act jokingly smooth. Farrell doesn’t seem to share much good chemistry with anyone in the film, ranging from partner-in-law Foxx to love interest Gong Li. Foxx tends to upstage Farrell when in shown together, especially shown by the actor’s ability to glide along with the scene. Farrell appears too scripted, and Foxx is just comfortable. A friend of mine mentioned that Foxx’s character seemed token, and I would tend to disagree - although he doesn’t get as much screentime as Farrell, his purpose is essential and interesting. Gong Li is simply awful - a mere pawn in a love game, narrated through a forced English-Cuban dialect. Her character is never engaging, her acting isn’t believable, and her love scenes are a joke. Her and Farrell’s supposed ‘tryst’ on screen never appears convincing. John Ortiz plays a silly stereotype, only seen in movies today - and Naomie Harris’ character gets some great screen time with Foxx.

You may have read earlier that Colin Farrell and Gong Li have a steamy sex scene in ‘Miami Vice’. If you were paying for a ticket to get a glimpse, I not only question your motives of going to the movies, but also your gullibility. These sex scenes are not worth your time and money, they are ignorant and drawn-out results of bad publicity. The love-making are only a fraction of the film’s troubled pacing, as Mann fleshes out too much filler to hit the 2-hour run mark. Gong Li and Colin Farrell make love three times, and all three are unnecessary and silly. (Also, get ready for one of the most laughable post-coital one-liners ever) Gone are the chase scenes, the gunplay, the witty dialogue and conversations. Mann does, however, saves the best for last, having left so much unnecessary celluloid in the final cut. But the finale did it for me - not only was it the summary of everything that happens in the movie, it is classic shoot-em-up fun. On occasion, the action channels the likes of James Bond and ‘Dirty Harry’. Regardless, Mann does not compensate with an entirely entertaining movie.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to refrain from recommending ‘Miami Vice’ to anyone. But it has its faults, and they cut deep. If you’re a die-hard fan of Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas, you may want to spend your money elsewhere. But if you’re willing to take a new age twist instead, you may appreciate its sublime camerawork and dark style. It’s classy enough but not sassy enough.