2006, Touchstone Pictures, Dir. Andrew Davis - Starring Kevin Costner, Ashton Kutcher, Sela Ward, Melissa Sagemiller, Bonnie Bramlett, Clancy Brown, Neal McDonough, John Heard, Brian Geraghty, Derek Adams, Gregory J. Barnett, Shelby Fenner, Scott Mueller

In the fall season, the movies tend to have a similar predictability to them as in the early winter. The Guardian just happens to be one of those that everyone - critics and audiences alike - will judge by the book’s cover. But beyond the A- to B-list cast and Hollywood’s cutting edge look, this is one that could surprise everyone. I had little interest in seeing another “teacher-student” drama, much less one with Ashton Kutcher. But once I left the theater, I was oddly moved. Andrew Davis, whose past directing credits range from Steven Seagal to Arnold flicks, has completed a slick combination of action and melodrama to make for one very interesting date movie. Imagine Perfect Storm meets Finding Forrester - with two wonderful performances by Kevin Costner and Kutcher. Although the story tends to drag on, and the movie overstays its welcome, the final product is still worth commending for its lack of overacting and moderate amount of real heart-pounding adrenaline.

Ben Randall (Costner) is one of the US Coast Guard’s most elite rescue swimmers, taking on chores of great magnitude all day, everyday. During a rescue mission off the coast of Alaska, Ben and his crew get tangled in a rough storm that impedes them from saving the victims overthrown from their boats. One thing leads to another, and Ben’s crew is killed in an elaborate explosion. The accident scars Ben, leading himself to believe he was at fault. Moreover, his wife Helen (Ward) has separated from him after his constant dedication to his work has overshadowed their relationship. Ben’s superior (Brown) enlists him to teach a class of elite swimmers to become the next generation of officers, despite Randall’s reluctance. One of these swimmers is the cocky yet talented Jake Fischer (Kutcher), who’s there to prove he wants to save others for a living. Ben’s apathetic rigor conflicts with Jake’s chutzpah, yet they learn from each other on the path to saving lives.

Kevin Costner gets his best role since Open Range in Guardian, as the mild-mannered but rough-edged Ben Randall. Randall is presented as a lonely figure at the movie’s opening, as a broken-hearted former husband whose love for his job has been marred by the loss of his best friends. What he does is save people, and when he couldn’t save either his marriage or friends, he feels lost. Costner captures Randall’s emptiness with his drawn expressions and harsh dialogue with superiors and students. The Randall of the past is Jake Fischer, played by Kutcher with tremendous effort. My never being a fan of Ashton’s acting may be alleviated from this role, as Kutcher reveals a deeper side of his range. His cocky yet contained interest in the Coast Guard is distinguished, and the father-son chemistry between him and Costner is deliverable. The two work well together, despite their generation gap and their respective acting conventions. Melissa Sagemiller (as Kutcher’s love interest) and Sela Ward are mere distractions and lack script development for them to be interesting. Neal McDonough is noteworthy for his portrayal of a ruthless assistant to Randall, and Bonnie Bramlett shines as a hard-knuckled bar patron and friend of Ben.

Beyond the drama, Davis’ eye for action is noticeable. After taking on projects such as The Fugitive and Seagal’s one winner Under Siege, the director literally stirs up a fantastic storm for The Guardian. On paper, the concept sounds tepid. But when the waves start to smash against the theater’s sound system, it’s very difficult for audiences to look away. As far as military rescue missions go, this simulation of Coast Guard technique proves to be one of the most realistic and engaging takes. The CGI appears to be fresh and clean, and rarely does a cheesy shot reveal itself. Trevor Rabin’s percussion-based score raises tension during heavy action shots, leaving the audience wanting to watch Crimson Tide again. Although the seaming of the melodrama and thrills can be jarring at times, one gets the typical feeling watching Guardian - it’s a movie based on exploring courage, choices, and friendship. Whether dangling from a helicopter or having a barstool conversation, Costner and Kutcher (and the occasional supporting character) wind into deep conversations that edge pretension but confine themselves to realism.

The Guardian is a decent movie with guts and glory. Like Officer and a Gentleman on the high seas, this little drama piece may interest some audiences and bore others. Some may not appreciate its cast, much less its action, but there’s one thing for sure - it’s sincere.

2006, Paramount Pictures/MTV Films, Dir. Jeff Tremaine - Starring Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Chris Pontius, Preston Lacy, Ryan Dunn, Ehren McGhehey, Jason “Wee-Man” Acuña, Dave Englund, Jeff Tremaine, John Waters, Jay Chadrasekhar

I find it sad that Jackass 2 used its negative press from the first Jackass film to promote its entirely unnecessary sequel. David Lynch has used to it to his advantage in the past, such as Lost Highway, but even the average moviegoer would be sure that they could be surprised during a Lynch flick. Everything that happens in this movie is known before you enter the theater. And why anyone likes to subject themselves to the inane, tragic stunts of a group of friends is simply beyond me. Jackass 2 intends to be a supposedly “funny” movie - people hurting themselves is worth the price of admission, according to MTV’s standards. The majority of Jackass 2 is unamusing. Can it be called comedy when everything is a constant punch line? Rather, the second installment (and hopefully the last) of the music channel’s dreadful skit show is a display of bad behavior and bad decisions. Just pick one of many ways to enjoy and understand the world of Jackass - drugs, alcohol, or a bulletproof chest.

What plot is there to write? I’m certainly not going to insult my intelligence and repeat every single gag the gang has to offer, but they involve such things as a pubic-hair beard, horse ejaculation, rocket blasters, snakes, yaks, and other deadly creatures who love to be provoked by middle-aged idiots. This is the material made for you to choke on a popcorn kernel, and drown yourself in your soda. Now, now, maybe I’m being a little too hard on it. Of course, Jackass 2 wasn’t made for some people. But movies created for a select audience defy the ultimate goal of a movie - something to be seen by all, and experienced in different ways. I was hoping that this revolting spectacle could have shed some light on the behavior of amateur backyard wild boys; maybe feature a little more dialogue amongst the gang rather than throwing a beehive into their limo. It’s really tiring to see one bad joke lined up after another, although some of their hits really do lend a good laugh. Which ones they are, I won’t say. And technically, I don’t think it would be appropriate to describe.

What brought Johnny Knoxville to the stunts again? His credentials have hit an all-time high, so the return to Jackass is a surprise. His same light-hearted delivery and endless depths of stupidity he’ll dive into is welcomed, but he seems to be out of place. Bam Margera, Steve-O and rest of the gang all feel overshadowed by Knoxville even when on the center stage. The same camcorder cinematography and random cameos are appreciated, but is never forgiven due to what they produce. This isn’t a movie as much as it’s snuff. And the biggest question I pose to MTV is the Jackass forewarning about their stunts. The cast, crew, and producers make sure that no little children end up performing any of the stupid acts they do, but who’s to say anyone older won’t give it a shot? It’s another game of film limbo - how low can you go.

I can hardly write another paragraph about the movie without racking my brains for something good to mention. Jackass Number Two is bad news, through and through. It’s the same disgusting work that America saw four years ago, and it does little more than expose how lowbrow some people are willing to go for a laugh. Right when I thought the Wayans couldn’t be topped.

2006, Universal Pictures, Dir. Brian DePalma - Starring Josh Hartnett, Aaron Eckhart, Scarlett Johansson, Hilary Swank, Mia Kirschner, Patrick Fischler, Mike Starr, Fiona Shaw, John Kavanagh, James Otis, Troy Evans, Anthony Russell, Pepe Serna, Angus MacInnes

Brian DePalma’s eye for crime noir has been noted by several film historians - he’s a master at most of what he does. The Black Dahlia is not one of these masterpieces. Rather, James Ellroy’s fact-and-fiction novel has been given a gorgeous, sleek look and one wretched, botched rewrite for the screen. Rarely do scripts this convoluted show up in the mainstream theater circuit, and it’s truly an near-unbearable experience if it wasn’t for some showy performances. For conspiracy buffs, Dahlia sheds no new light on the case, and its finale makes a mockery of the death. For critics, the faults are widely noticable, ranging from the annoying narrative and complicated story. For moviegoers, it’s just boring. Hartnett and Eckhart give monotonous performances while Scarlett Johansson’s talent is ignored by the script. Hilary Swank and Mia Kirshner give an inspired touch to their characters, but they’re the film’s saving grace. Dahlia is beautiful visually, but lost in its own words and rather self-absorbed. DePalma’s failing streak has extended once again.

Dwight “Bucky” Bleichert (Hartnett) and Leland “Lee” Blanchard (Eckhart) are two of Los Angeles’ best detectives. They have a reputation around the streets - they take names and take them down. Lee is in a relationship with Kay Lake (Johansson), with some sexual tension between her and Bucky. But the three all remain close friends, until a cold case of murder comes their way. A young woman - identified as Elizabeth Short (Kirshner), nicknamed the ‘Black Dahlia’ - is found killed on a backroad. Cut in half, disemboweled, and lacerated, the girl’s death seemed too odd to just be a regular murder. Bucky and Lee are put on the case, but Lee is having some troubles dealing with the investigation. Kay was once raped and cut by a man about to be released on parole, and the simultaneous release of the criminal and the criminal wanted in the Dahlia case lead to Lee’s mental instability. Meanwhile, Bucky begins to uncover a possible alibi from a wealthy prostitute (Swank) whose family may have some answers about the Dahlia.

Josh Hartnett, who I’ve seen pull off some great roles in the past, is dry and uninteresting. His lack of expression is noticable, especially those scenes involving chemistry with Johansson’s character. Hartnett and Eckhart are believable as a team, but one could only wish the character of Bucky Bleichert was more in touch with the Dahlia investigation. Rather, Josh is forced to endure the loopy final hour that spirals downwards. Eckhart upstages Hartnett with his overexaggerated performance that clashes with the team’s collaboration. After seeing Eckhart win me over in spring’s Thank You For Smoking, this is a personal disappointment. Johansson’s character, a hub for both main characters, is put aside a romantic diversion that means nothing by the end of the movie. Still, Scarlett steals the scene whenever possible. Hilary Swank is lusciously bizarre as Madeleine Linscott, a rich girl with a dark past. Picking bits and pieces from Joan Crawford and Norma Desmond, Swank is a prima donna villain. Mia Kirshner also struts her stuff in her “posthumous” role as Elizabeth Short, only seen in audition reels as a puissant amateur actress.

Again, DePalma scores in the cinematography, but only succeeds in making his film look noir rather than becoming noir. The script, written by Josh Friedman (smirky screenwriter of War of the Worlds), is one of the worst in a long time. Much dialogue, and Hartnett’s narrative, seems to be pulled verbatim from the novel. This makes for a disjointed story, relying on flashbacks and multiple past cases that the characters have taken part in. It takes nearly 45 minutes to get to the Dahlia case itself, already piled over by detrimental personal conflict. I care about one murder, and one murder only, and that’s the Black Dahlia. I definitely paid $7 to see a movie about the Black Dahlia, the poster said “Black Dahlia” on it, and only a fraction of the movie was about the Black Dahlia. And when it does boil down to the murder, it’s like watching a big practical joke laid on the audience. Think along the lines of the movie Clue. Except if it was unintentionally funny.

Black Dahlia is half the movie I expected to see, and a monstrous disappointment for the fall season. With such a stellar cast and a legendary director, the average moviegoer would expect some veneer with its picture. It looks intelligent, and makes no sense verbally.

2006, Dreamworks SKG, Dir. Tony Goldwyn - Starring Zach Braff, Jacinda Barrett, Casey Affleck, Rachel Bilson, Michael Weston, Blythe Danner, Tom Wilkinson, Eric Christian Olson, Harold Ramis, Marley Shelton, Cindy Sampson, Lauren Lee Smith, Larry Day, David Jones

For all those Zach Braff fans waiting in line for The Last Kiss - this is not a follow-up, much less a similar movie, to Garden State. Gone is the heady, visually appealling camerawork, which is replaced with down-to-earth acting and an intelligent script. But there’s literally nothing beyond its verbose conversations about love and growing up. Director Goldwyn (of A Walk on the Moon fame) builds up the audience’s interest for the first half, intertwining the troubles of the protagonist and his buddies, only to drop all sub-plots for the least interesting one. Although the acting is relatively strong, the film boasts little in substance. It starts out with a profound subject, asks questions and delivers vague answers, and stretches out the story for a long, anticlimactic ending. But once you’ve pass all the talk, it’s another formulaic and boring romance film. The comedy and drama contradict one another, and the laughs begin to fall short towards the end. The film’s hopes start a steady decline to the finish line.

Michael (Braff) and Jenna (Barrett) have been together since college. They have not yet been married, but arrive with the news of pregnancy. The young Michael introduces himself as being very happy with the relationship, but as he grows older, he wonders whether the element of surprise will continue to coexist with his life. Jenna is having a baby, and now wants to buy a house and eventually get married. But Michael isn’t ready for it. Neither are his friends ready for life: his friend Chris (Affleck) is dealing with a botched marriage, friend Izzy (Weston) is still lovestruck with an old flame and living out of his parents’ house, and Kenny (Olson) is…well, he doesn’t have problems. He’s just a natural womanizer, and likes it that way. Jenna’s parents (Danner and Wilkinson) are suffering through a mid-life crisis, questioning their marriage after years together. But when Michael finds surprise hidden in the young college girl Kim (Bilson), he begins to wonder where his life going to bring him.

Braff is a natural at the ‘growing-up crisis’ role, delivering both emotionally and physically. There’s something about his quirky behavior that makes him so likable on stage, no matter what circumstances. He can serve as a stasis for the friends or the funnyman, which proves to be useless in Last Kiss where laughs are desperately needed. The only laughs received in the screening I attended were unintentional, a sad sign for future theatergoers. Jacinda Barrett is brilliant as Jenna, exerting range and depth into her role. Her anger and love are convincing, and tends to upstage Braff during the finale. Her unforgiving portrayal of a bewildered and betrayed girlfriend are some of the few better parts of the film’s last half. Tom Wilkinson and Blythe Danner counteract viciously, providing some gems of wisdom for the story, but sadly these moments lack greatly. Casey Affleck and Michael Weston shine as Michael’s friends, making their screen presence much worthwhile. Their stories are the most interesting plotlines in the film, only to be dwarfed and forgotten later on.

The Last Kiss looks beautiful, without a doubt. It is not a surreal production, preferring the suburbs of Wisconsin and Quebec over the quiet towns of New Jersey. Goldwyn’s film is the idealist setting for the love story - well-off kids with great jobs and beautiful girlfriends, and they’re worried about their lives. There’s something a little bothersome about this, almost that it’s too iconic to really sympathize with. It feels as if The OC got serious and had Paul Haggis direct an episode. Haggis’ script for Kiss is typical work, but feels lost in translation from the original Italian screenplay. No one can figure out love, and the characters are left dwindling at the end trying to figure out the answers. But there aren’t answers to the game of life, so audiences may feel some disconnect between themselves and the subject matter. For such serious material, you’re bound to forget about the movie quite easily.

Last Kiss feels like a lost cause, arguing love and never really making everybody feel better at the end. No, I didn’t expect a happy ending, I just wish the director and writer cared more about its characters rather than leaving some stories with ends open.

2006, The Weinstein Company, Dir. Prachya Pinkaew - Starring Tony Jaa, Petchtai Wongkamlao, Bongkoj Khongmalai, Xing Jing, Nathan Jones, Johnny Nguyen, Lateef Crowder, Jon Foo, Damian De Montemas, David Asavanond, Sotorn Rungruaeng

The first thought that hit my mind while writing this review is a fictional battle: Tony Jaa versus the Weinsteins. The action and fury that fueled last year’s Ong-Bak (one of my guilty pleasures of 2005) is still present in its unrelated follow-up, but the poor editing jobs from the new Weinstein Company lead to a mediocre final cut. I’ve become a great fan of Jaa’s work so far, and he proves once again to be a charismatic lead in this Thai blockbuster. But Harvey and Bob, despite their willingness to distribute it in America, leave the movie improperly advertised and cut. If there’s one thing more unattractive in the movie business than Steve Buscemi, it’s dubbing. There’s never a need to dub. A movie should always remain in its original state - and it’s sad to see Jaa’s latest to be chopped and ripped apart by some halfwit executive. Regardless, martial arts buffs and audiences will be easily attracted by the top-notch action that Protector has to offer, showing much hope for Jaa’s future.

The first titlecard explains how purebred elephants (if there are such) have remained a tradition in Thai culture, claiming that the greatest elephants are sold to the living king. The elephant’s power is attained by said ruler, and are a sacred symbol of Thai royalty. In a village where the pachyderms are kept safe and pampered, a young man named Kham (Jaa) is raised to protect them. When Kham’s father (Rungruaeng) is killed by a group of hateful poachers, the young warrior must avenge his death - and save the precious elephants which have been stolen from them. Kham learns of a crime ring drawing all the way to Sydney, Australia, where a family tied to the police bureau has extended itself power throughout the continent. Kham is determined to get his revenge, as he uses the help of a disgraced police officer (Wongkamlao) to take down the evil Madame Rose (Jing) and other various goons she’s employed to conversely take down Kham.

Tony Jaa serves as both actor and martial arts choreographer in Protector, showing brilliance in both regards. Fights like these are sure to blow anyone’s mind, unless they’re too attached to Sir Quentin Tarantino to admit it. (Oddly enough, QT actually presents this movie.) Jaa can walk in a room and change its mood in a split-second. With barely any dialogue, his role as the silent-but-deadly vigilante is sure to become trademark in a few more projects. Therefore, all he has to master are his expressions and movement - and he does so instantaneously. Petchtai Wongkamlao, who served as Jaa’s sidekick in Ong-Bak, proves to be good comic relief once again. Beyond these two actors, I have little to say about the remaining cast. They are all either drastically stretched stereotypes or fighters matched against Jaa - all which are eventually defeated and therefore test their screen presence. And whoever saw any WWE wrestlers entering the ring against Tony? I wish them the best.

I’m sure I would have enjoyed the original cut for director Pinkaew’s movie, rather than the American recut. It’s a grave sin to ever dub a film, and it results in some cringe-worthy faceoffs. It’s hard to take some heavy dialogue seriously when the character’s lips can’t match their threats. Was the Weinsteins’ editor a 23 year old computer science major with a copy of VideoStudio 7? The film looks messy here and there, as scenes are melded with no transition and minimal SFX. But when it comes to the cinematography, the Weinsteins would have been moronic to change anything. The Protector unleashes some mind-boggling sights: an uncut four-minute fight scene ascending four stories and staircases, a ‘Crazy-88′ homage where Jaa endlessly breaks bones in Muay Thai fashion, and an epic final scene against the crime family. These aren’t stunts you can see in your local theater. It’s high-octane perfection.

But it’s not all perfect (sorry to rain on your parade.) But don’t complain to Jaa, complain to Harvey and Bob (write it down). They are the masterminds to wrecking what could have been a fantastic flick. Still, for those who appreciate good martial arts, and still want in on the Ong-Bak craze, Protector has what it takes.